madwomanwithabox: ([Sawyer] Band Aid)
Haven't done jack squat today in terms of me...but I did sleep last night? Mostly. I am cleaning more than I was. The house is still a wreck, but I'm trying, at least. Doing dishes, picking up...Michelle, our LVN, commented on it this morning, so it's noticeable. For now, I'll take that as a win.

My birthday is tomorrow, and that's got me down because I'm so broke, I'm not even sure how I'll feed me and Dad until Monday. My birthday always sucks. Epically. Literally, I haven't really had a good birthday since I was twenty. This year, I'm broke and can't even get dinner and a movie, which would pretty much make my day at this point. I mean...I can celebrate later, I get that. Not everyone can celebrate their birthday on the day of, because weekdays and real life and work and crap, can at least get something nice for dinner, you know? Or blow off chores, or buy yourself a present, do SOMETHING that makes the anniversary of the day you came into the world something at least a little bit special.

I don't know. When I can't celebrate my birthday, I guess it just reinforces my feelings of worthlessness. Like the day I was born was nothing special, or even something that deserves to be ignored because my presence on this planet is a blight.

My aunt sort of offered to take me to dinner, but anyone that knows my aunt knows there's always qualifiers. Familial duty, and not without at least a little whining. Sylvia, my mom's BFF, sent me a card a few days ago with five dollars in it. That was really sweet, and I did appreciate it.

Still not doing my affirmations. I need to do my affirmations, GDI.

Lists at work are still a thing. Some stuff I'm working on for me is going kinda well, but I don't want to talk about it too much because I fear jinxing it. Will say more when I have hard evidence I did a thing right.

That's all for now, I have therapy this afternoon.


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March 2015

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