madwomanwithabox: (CA} believe)
Sixteen years ago today, Waynette Maria McKnight Carlie died at Encino Medical Center from complications related to a glioblastoma brain tumor. She was my mother.


I wish I had more pictures of her, I'd post one, but I still try to post every year to keep her memory alive. She's the reason I read, the reason I write, the reason I hate the holidays. Yeah, the last one's bad, but it's part of who I am now. I try to focus on the first two, because it's the MAIN reason I have all of you as friends.

My mom was an amazing lady, who many say I look like, and I don't think I'll ever know a better person. But I did something really unforgivable when she was around: I took her for granted. This is my Christmas message, my GIFT to all of you, this year and every year because we really tend to not know what we have until it's gone.

You get one mom. She brought you into this world, and you don't get another. Love her or hate her, she's special in her own way, and you WILL miss her when she's gone. Call her, hug her, tell her that you love her, but God forbid she leaves you tomorrow, don't regret not having at least held her tight just one more time.

And to those of you with kids: hug them today, hard. Spend time with them, don't get so caught up in prepping for the holiday you forget to make sure they know they are absolutely loved by you and absolutely never, ever alone as long as you're around. Christmas comes and Christmas goes, but you're never going to understand that for them: you are special. You are irreplaceable. And one day, they're gonna remember those moments with you and it's going to get them through the tough times.

Be with the people you love like it's the last time you're ever going to see them, today and every day. And when you go looking for the Christmas star tonight, wave hello at my mom. She'll get a big kick out of it. ;p

Happy Holidays, everybody...and Merry Christmas, Mom.
madwomanwithabox: ([Sawyer] Childhood - Goodbye)
In my world, Christmas is a bad thing...Christmas Eve in particular. There's nothing festive or merry about the holidays for me...and most of that is probably due to the fact that Christmas was one of my mother's favorite times of year. It all just hurts...knowing she's not here to be a part of it, and for some reason it hurts more this year than it usually does.

Twelve years today, Waynette Carlie died...and I wish with all my heart that all of you could have known her...known the life she lived.

This is not a good time of year for me, but I really hope it is for all of you. For my mom, and for myself...I wish you all the very happiest of holidays. Enjoy the great food and the buttload of gifts, and may you be able to spend this special time of year with the people you love. I hope it's magical, I hope it's festive, and I hope with all my heart that it's happy...because that's just the way Mom would want it to be.

And today...especially today...find the person you love most and hug them. Hard. And if you can't, then call or write or something...tell them what they mean to you...do both if you can. Life is far too short not to love as hard and as much as you can, because the people we love...we don't get to keep them long enough.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

I love you, Mom.

R.I.P.
Waynette Maria McKnight Carlie
July 15, 1950 - December 24, 1995
madwomanwithabox: ([Jack] Too Much Of Anything)
-NaNo has begun. All/most posts pertaining to the madness will go in my writing journal, [livejournal.com profile] onthe_8thday. Friend if you dare. :P

And as for my only other random...


R.I.P.
Ramona Quimby Carlie
1989-2006


One year ago, I lost a pet, a mother, and a sister when my cat died. Those of you who know me well...or at all...knew Ramona by proxy. She was the caretaker of my family, my best friend, and a major part of my life. Hell, she was even a character in some of my writing.

A stroke ultimately ended her life...her heart threw a clot, and she ended up paralyzed from the waist down. She just got old, and her time came. We had no choice but to put her down and end her suffering.

If you never had a pet, or a pet you got close to, you don't understand the pain that comes with this kind of loss, or the joy that they can bring you. You don't understand the humanity that an animal can have, or how the bond you form with them runs as deep, if not deeper, than the bonds of blood that bind a family.

Ramona saw me through my mother's death. She was one of the first people I talked to when I finally began to confront the fact that my dad and my brother were abusing me emotionally. She let me hold her as I cried through every vicious fight, climbed in my lap every time I felt the most alone.

I couldn't do anything to save her. I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye, and thanks to my father and my brother, I still haven't had my own chance to grieve for her. So today, I'm doing the only thing I can for the second most important person in my life next to my mom.

I'm making sure that nobody forgets her.

So I guess it's kind of fitting that today, All Soul's Day, is the anniversary of the day she died. They say that no one ever dies if you remember them...I'd like to think that there's a lot of people who read this thing, and if everyone who does read it could just think about her today...just once, just for a second...it'd be like having her back again for just a minute.

Rest in peace, girlie...and don't drive Mom too crazy.

I love you, Mona Belle.
madwomanwithabox: ([Jack] Weight of the World)

R.I.P.
Chris Benoit
Nancy Benoit
Daniel Benoit


When I was growing up, pro wrestling was my thing. I was one of very few girls in my world who knew and loved it for what it was and more. The women I admired were strong and beautiful characters who could either make or break a match, and even fought, sometimes hanging on even terms with men in the ring.

And the men...they were the ultimate villains, and the gladiators of a fifteen year old's imagination. They were my modern day knighits in both shining and black armor.

One of the wrestlers I grew up watching, loving, and admiring was Benoit. I first caught him in the WCW with Woman on his arm, aka Nancy Benoit, his wife. I watched as he took her from The Taskmaster, Kevin Sullivan, and entered into one of the most memorable feuds the promotion ever saw.

What happened was a tragedy...but what Chris Benoit was can't be denied. He was a world-class athlete, as any graduate of Stu Hart's Dungeon is expected to be. He was a great character in the ring, and admired by his peers. And to me, he will always be one of the few good parts of my teenage years. My heart is with the members of the Benoit family, and my prayers go out to them...and to Chris, Nancy, and Daniel.

Regardless of the circumstances...the Rabid Wolverine will never be forgotten.


EDIT: We've all been reading up on the developments in this case. When I put this memorial up on my journal, I didn't know all the details about the deaths...now I do.

I will never lose my respect for Chris Benoit as an athlete. His impact on the business of professional wrestling will never be forgotten. But it's become more and more clear that the deaths of Nancy and Daniel Benoit were an act of deliberation on the part of Chris Benoit...and childhood hero or not, he killed his wife and little boy.

I leave this memorial up instead for Daniel and Nancy, and the memory of the athlete that I *did* admire, rather than the man who took the lives of his family. I can only hope that Daniel and Nancy find some peace in the next life.

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March 2015

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