madwomanwithabox

Sixteen years ago today, Waynette Maria McKnight Carlie died at Encino Medical Center from complications related to a glioblastoma brain tumor. She was my mother.


I wish I had more pictures of her, I'd post one, but I still try to post every year to keep her memory alive. She's the reason I read, the reason I write, the reason I hate the holidays. Yeah, the last one's bad, but it's part of who I am now. I try to focus on the first two, because it's the MAIN reason I have all of you as friends.

My mom was an amazing lady, who many say I look like, and I don't think I'll ever know a better person. But I did something really unforgivable when she was around: I took her for granted. This is my Christmas message, my GIFT to all of you, this year and every year because we really tend to not know what we have until it's gone.

You get one mom. She brought you into this world, and you don't get another. Love her or hate her, she's special in her own way, and you WILL miss her when she's gone. Call her, hug her, tell her that you love her, but God forbid she leaves you tomorrow, don't regret not having at least held her tight just one more time.

And to those of you with kids: hug them today, hard. Spend time with them, don't get so caught up in prepping for the holiday you forget to make sure they know they are absolutely loved by you and absolutely never, ever alone as long as you're around. Christmas comes and Christmas goes, but you're never going to understand that for them: you are special. You are irreplaceable. And one day, they're gonna remember those moments with you and it's going to get them through the tough times.

Be with the people you love like it's the last time you're ever going to see them, today and every day. And when you go looking for the Christmas star tonight, wave hello at my mom. She'll get a big kick out of it. ;p

Happy Holidays, everybody...and Merry Christmas, Mom.

-NaNo has begun. All/most posts pertaining to the madness will go in my writing journal, onthe_8thday. Friend if you dare. :P

And as for my only other random...


R.I.P.
Ramona Quimby Carlie
1989-2006

One year ago, I lost a pet, a mother, and a sister when my cat died. Those of you who know me well...or at all...knew Ramona by proxy. She was the caretaker of my family, my best friend, and a major part of my life. Hell, she was even a character in some of my writing.

A stroke ultimately ended her life...her heart threw a clot, and she ended up paralyzed from the waist down. She just got old, and her time came. We had no choice but to put her down and end her suffering.

If you never had a pet, or a pet you got close to, you don't understand the pain that comes with this kind of loss, or the joy that they can bring you. You don't understand the humanity that an animal can have, or how the bond you form with them runs as deep, if not deeper, than the bonds of blood that bind a family.

Ramona saw me through my mother's death. She was one of the first people I talked to when I finally began to confront the fact that my dad and my brother were abusing me emotionally. She let me hold her as I cried through every vicious fight, climbed in my lap every time I felt the most alone.

I couldn't do anything to save her. I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye, and thanks to my father and my brother, I still haven't had my own chance to grieve for her. So today, I'm doing the only thing I can for the second most important person in my life next to my mom.

I'm making sure that nobody forgets her.

So I guess it's kind of fitting that today, All Soul's Day, is the anniversary of the day she died. They say that no one ever dies if you remember them...I'd like to think that there's a lot of people who read this thing, and if everyone who does read it could just think about her today...just once, just for a second...it'd be like having her back again for just a minute.

Rest in peace, girlie...and don't drive Mom too crazy.

I love you, Mona Belle.