madwomanwithabox: ([Jack] Too Much Of Anything)
-NaNo has begun. All/most posts pertaining to the madness will go in my writing journal, [livejournal.com profile] onthe_8thday. Friend if you dare. :P

And as for my only other random...


R.I.P.
Ramona Quimby Carlie
1989-2006


One year ago, I lost a pet, a mother, and a sister when my cat died. Those of you who know me well...or at all...knew Ramona by proxy. She was the caretaker of my family, my best friend, and a major part of my life. Hell, she was even a character in some of my writing.

A stroke ultimately ended her life...her heart threw a clot, and she ended up paralyzed from the waist down. She just got old, and her time came. We had no choice but to put her down and end her suffering.

If you never had a pet, or a pet you got close to, you don't understand the pain that comes with this kind of loss, or the joy that they can bring you. You don't understand the humanity that an animal can have, or how the bond you form with them runs as deep, if not deeper, than the bonds of blood that bind a family.

Ramona saw me through my mother's death. She was one of the first people I talked to when I finally began to confront the fact that my dad and my brother were abusing me emotionally. She let me hold her as I cried through every vicious fight, climbed in my lap every time I felt the most alone.

I couldn't do anything to save her. I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye, and thanks to my father and my brother, I still haven't had my own chance to grieve for her. So today, I'm doing the only thing I can for the second most important person in my life next to my mom.

I'm making sure that nobody forgets her.

So I guess it's kind of fitting that today, All Soul's Day, is the anniversary of the day she died. They say that no one ever dies if you remember them...I'd like to think that there's a lot of people who read this thing, and if everyone who does read it could just think about her today...just once, just for a second...it'd be like having her back again for just a minute.

Rest in peace, girlie...and don't drive Mom too crazy.

I love you, Mona Belle.
madwomanwithabox: (Jack Sorrow)
Bonjour, mi amigos...as you've all seen, it's been rough these past few days here in ECVille.

The first thing I need to do is thank you...all of you, for your kind words to me, my family, and about Ramona. As badly as this hurts, it's comforting to know that I've got friends like all of you to lean on when the going gets rough. I'm a little out of touch with fandom at the moment, and I know that some folks are unhappy with others, with TV (a VERY important life event, heeeeee), and with a lot of stuff...but when I needed you all, you were there for me. And I'm always going to be grateful for that.

I wasn't going to discuss anything that's been going on in my post about Ramona...that was for her, and her memory. So...this is the ME post.

Ramona was, basically, my dad's cat...he raised her like he raised me, and she was very much a member of the family...Dad's daughter, Tim's and my sister. Dad's devastated...so's my brother. They're both so totally non-functional right now that settling Ramona's affairs has been left to me. Dad says he can't handle deciding what to do for her, so that's up to Tim and me...but between Tim and me? I'm the ONLY one that's gotten any money together or picked up a fucking phone.

My brother took her to the vet when she collapsed at home...being with her in her last moments was hard on him, I know that. I was the last person to see my mother alive before she died, I know the feeling. But still...

Tim and Dad are grieving. I haven't gotten that chance.

The euthanasia cost $215...I paid the balance yesterday. Burying her will cost nearly $600. Cremation will cost over $100 for the service and an urn. Right now? We had to use food money to pay for her euthanasia.

Tim said it best...we can't even afford for Ramona to die. And there's very little else in the world that hurts as much as that.

I have to talk to the family tonight about the final decision...the vet will hold the remains until the 5th, but I was told they can extend that a bit to the 9th, maybe the 10th. The idea of cremating her bothers me a great deal...but we can't afford anything else. I suppose there's some comfort in keeping her ashes, and we can bury them later...but I don't want to cremate her. I just don't have any other choice.

I don't know exactly how I'm going to get the money together...but I know that I have to. I can't just let the vet dispose of her...it'd be like burying my mother in some Potter's Field.

God, I would sell my soul just to hold her one last time.

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March 2015

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